Archive for February, 2011

But When I Became a Man, I Gave Up Childish Ways…

Things have been busy over the last few months, but I’ve been collecting my thoughts on an important topic as I observe my growing son. Below is my list of “Things babies do that are not socially acceptable for an adult to repeat.”

1. Soil yourself loudly (especially with the accompaniment of grunts) or otherwise in public
2. Vomit all over yourself and/or another and immediately act as though nothing has happened
3. Cry uncontrollably when you have finished a meal and are still moderately hungry
4. The same as number 2, but with poop
5. Reach into another person’s mouth while they are talking, hook your sharp little fingers around their lip, and just stare into their eyes.
6. Break any intended moment of silence with a variety of body-originating noises
7. Grab your feet and flash all of your hidden areas at your parents
8. Enjoy when someone has to change your pants
9. Stare at your fingers for extended periods of time
10. Relieve yourself in the bath
11. Cry when someone’s face scares you
12. Enjoy hot spinach and pear puree
13. Cry every time your mother leaves the room
14. Attempt to stick everything within reach into your mouth
15. Wear a onesie