Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

The Real Hobbit (with bonus features!)

So, in case you haven’t seen those horrid Hobbit films, my five-year old has been working on a project to forestall you should you even have even a soupçon of an inkling of a hint of a desire to waste a moment of your life viewing such cinematic offal. We’ve been reading through the Hobbit and, over the weeks, I find him illustrating the episodes we have completed (plus some bits from the 1977 vibrato cartoon)— from Hobbiton, to trolls, to Gollum, to the eagle’s eyrie, to Beorn, to Mirkwood and beyond. He’s even created some bonus features. His artistic mastery, combined with his faithfulness to the tale puts that bearded, CGI-obsessed kiwi to shame. Look! And Behold!

But there’s more! Whenever we’re caught waiting for a bus or taxi, or just on a long drive, I tell the boy other stories from the Tolkien world as I can recall them. Mayhaps the aesthetic glory will compel you to read further?

The Felines of Homebrew

The cons of having cats in the house of a homebrewer?

The perks of having cats in the house for a homebrewer?

… None. There are none. Cats are terrible.

Simian Rhinoplasty Made Easy!

From our trip to the monkey forest in Ubud: There are no words… So here are some pictures instead!

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“The Orphic Locality of Spider Toots”— OR— “Praxis: Obviating Jurisprudence”

One of the many difficulties that companies face in trade with Indonesia is the (often) blatant disregard for trademark and copyright laws. This crystallized for me the other day after receiving a gift from a colleague in the form of “Monopoly Junior: Spiderman” edition. In addition to the fact that the game board was nothing more than a laminated, construction paper version of a photocopied original, the game pieces, box materials, and rules were laughable forgeries.

External normality, but the secrets lie within

External normality, but the secrets lie within


What nearly incapacitated me, however, was the unsubstantiated promise at the conclusion of the rules. I searched at great length, but found the box lacking.

Hasbro! You owe me some farts!

Attercop! Attercop!

I could hear them breathing, even chuckling…

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I stopped her from going through with the high five. What can I say? I’ve got an enthusiastic wife.

Unusual Tangling Flavor

The joys of those things lost in translation:


It is always a pleasure if chicken mingled with creamy mushrooms. For those of you without pleasure, try dominating a sausage or the unusual tangling flavor of duck meat.


Accept no imitations, folks. This is the legendary, original source of heated udder-juice.

Robocop’s Strawberry Socialism

For the majority of you out there who have been wondering how Cousin Frank would read a story to a 3-year-old, your prayers have been answered. It is nothing short of epic. Cousin Frank, we miss you every day.