Posts Tagged ‘cockburns’

Thou Shalt not Consume…

Over the weeks here in England, I have observed a vast array of comestibles indigenous to this British population. Some I have consumed with great pleasure, while others I have gone to great lengths to avoid, like an eight-day-old boy who has caught sight of a rabbi. This short blog is dedicated to the latter category of sustenance. Below, I have constructed a list of Andrew-rebuked food items, the rejection of which should be self-evident. I anticipate that this list will expand as the years pass. Here they are in top-10 format:

 

10. Pulses (it turns out these are beans, or something, but the terminology reminds me of a beating heart)

9. Salad cream (this mayonnaise-based salad topping doesn’t even require refrigeration… or at least none of the restaurants we’ve been to bother)

8. Tuna mayonnaise and sweetcorn sandwich

7-5. “Gü” (pronounced “goo”) brand “pud” varieties, including: “chocolate puds,” “mini puds,” and, my favorite, “saucy puds”

4. Jellied eels

3. Canned goose fat

2. Prawn mayonnaise pita (exactly like it sounds)

And last but not least, everyone’s favorite beverage:

1. Cockburns Assured (who knew that drinking could be so dangerous)

 

If you’d like to see me stumble through Latin, take a look at this video of 1 Thessalonians:

(I also contribute to Deuteronomy, Lamentations, and Jonah)