Posts Tagged ‘lollipop’

Vernacular-Turgidity Avocation (learn yerself sum words)

Over the past few months, the wife and I have observed various differences between our homeland and the culture of this little island where we now reside. These societal variances include driving on the left-hand side of the road, the willingness of strangers to help a person in need, accents, pork consumption, nationalized healthcare (amazing!), old things, pronunciation of biblical books, walking, and numerous other items that would require more commas and extended synaptic firing, so I will conclude the list here and progress to my aim. Though these divergences gain our attention, they haven’t nearly the impact as simple locution. We gots different words folks! The slogan that the UK and the US are “two nations divided by a single language” demonstrates itself on a daily basis. We have come to accept these differences but in varying ways. Bethany, as a church office administrator, has collapsed under the weight of necessity. She pronounces “schedule” as “shed-ule” and sings Mary Poppins songs indefinitely. I have taken a more obstinate stance and even create new words simply to cause confusion. I may have a conversation with a Brit during which they make reference to the “boot”of the car. I stand there staring, as if in a state of confusion. They quickly clarify, “Oh, I’m sorry- I mean the ‘trunk.'” I continue to stare until they either point one out or draw a picture. Then I perk up and chime, “Oh, you mean the ‘grocery-hole’,” or “the ‘car bung’.” Occasionally it takes some convincing, but I generally persuade them to accept my view as authoritative. You might not take the pleasure I do in such jocularity, but, alas, I cannot help myself.
For those of you who may find yourselves in our new stomping-grounds, I have put together a list of terms that cause confusion, in order to make communication as smooth as possible. Pay attention, there will be a quiz… when you least expect it. Here’s the list (British- English on the left and American equivalent on the right):

Pudding= “dessert”; it seems like this term would refer to Bill Cosby’s favorite treat, which it does, but it is not limited to this classification. Generally speaking, “pudding” refers to any dessert. If you are asked whether you would like a pudding, the person means dessert in general. The only exceptions to this are Yorkshire pudding and black pudding- exceptions that Brits are unable to explain or rectify.

Lollipop= both “lollipop” and “popsicle”; as a side note, a lollipopman/woman is a “crossing guard”

Tip= “garbage dump”

Bin= “trashcan”

Fly-tipping= dumping one’s waste in a business’ dumpsters or anywhere to avoid having to pay a dumping fee

Toilet= “bathroom/poop-station”; it’s not just the contraption, but the whole room. You ask for the “toilet” even if you don’t have to use the toilet in the same way that we ask for the “bathroom” even if we won’t be taking a bath, or a “restroom” even if we won’t be taking a nap… I miss my public restroom naps, though.

Hoover= “vacuum cleaner”

Black pudding= “disgusting thing that one should never eat”

Gutted= “devastated”

Being sick= “vomiting”

Pants= “underwear”; they use a term we (and apparently Australians) consider archaic to refer to jeans and slacks: “trousers.”

Mobile= “cell phone”; they simply do not refer to it as a cell phone… ever!

Icing sugar= “powdered sugar”

Candy floss= “cotton candy”; it sounds like the best visit to the dentist ever, or the worst and stickiest trying-on of “pants.”

Egg/tuna mayonnaise= “egg/tuna salad”; it’s an accurate description, but it sounds absolutely unappetizing.

Jacket Potato= “baked potato”

***As an added bonus to today’s post, I would like to toss in some extras. If you go shopping at a supermarket in the UK, you can expect not to find the following American staples:

Graham crackers
Large bags of chocolate chips

I would also like to add to my list of utterly undesirable food items:

Ye Olde Oak “Lunch Tongue”; no deceptive labeling here. It’s simply tongue slices for your sandwich. Who wouldn’t want to partake? I think this comes between jellied eels and Gü brand pud varieties, thereby bumping “pulses” off the top-ten list.

At this juncture, I will take my leave, dear friends. The thought of “lunch tongue” makes me feel like I’m going to be “sick” on my “pants” and no “hoover” will be able to clean up the mess, because I had a colossal serving of “pudding” this evening. Ciao.